An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

Please don’t take this personally, but I really think I have had quite enough of your followers. They all seem like nice people until I get to watching them, and then it all falls apart. Granted, I am not perfect, and I do not claim to be a lot better, but these followers of yours, well, they seem downright dangerous.

Take, for example, Christians. They all want me to hang out with them, until I express an opinion that they do not agree with. Then they call me a sinner. I don’t get it. Because I think a really bad marriage ought not be a life sentence, I am sinful. Then there was this man at church who was called to help a woman who saw a snake. His solution to the woman’s fear was to kill it. When I pointed out that snakes eat rodents, and therefore have a place in the environment, he answered, “That snake had two [places in the environment].” Very funny, but not for the snake.

And then there are these Muslims. They seem nice enough, except they say bad things about me (like that I’m a loose woman) because I don’t cover my hair. You gave me red hair. Why would I want to hide that? They also have this thing about blowing things and people up. If I get bummed about dead snakes, You can imagine how bummed I am about busloads of dead people. And they have this other thing about the Jews that just drives me bonkers. They are all cousins, but anyone would think they were fighting for the last crust of bread on earth, the way they carry on. And of course, if I think there should be Jews, then I am a Zionist, and deserve to die. If I go around India way, I have to be careful not to hang out with or befriend either Sikhs or Hindus, because they are also good-for-nothing infidels.

Now the Jews think I am okay, as long as I do not hang out with any Muslims. If I do that, I become scum and deserve to be exterminated. Last week, I heard that some Hindu women, not willing to be outdone, were pissed about St. Valentine’s Day, because it is not a Hindu holy day. Today, Valentine's day, some Muslim women had the same idea. No shit, girls, it’s a Hallmark holy day. Some people are just dense.

We have these dumb asses in government running the world, claiming to be your good friends. I have a lot of trouble with someone who says, “God is my friend, so please send your son to my war so he can die.” The more they claim to be your buddy, the worse their records look. We have these other dumb asses in government who refuse to do anything about the first dumb asses running amok with our money, our kids, and our standing in the world.

Like I said before, please don’t take any of this personally. I know that your friends are not You. I just do not like to hang out with people who destroy for the fun of it, whether it is a snake or an environment, an office building full of people, or young soldiers’ lives. I always pictured You as being creative and nurturing. So what’s with your friends?